This Is The Third Blog Post I Have Written About Shia LaBeouf And I Am Beginning To Question My Life Choices.

Hello, friends!

This year, more than any other year I have lived through, has taught me that life is kind of ridiculous. Time never stops moving, and things never stop changing and we all just kinda chill in our respective corners of the earth, doing our thing. Some people seem to have it all figured out; they walk around with the air of someone who was received into the world just knowing what life is all about and what they want out of it. Others prefer to use the patented “Kiana Approach” and spend their lives silently darting in and out of shadows, avoiding responsibility and wondering how mysterious stains appeared on their blouses.

And then there’s Shia LaBeouf.

Shia continues to surprise me, which is weird, because I expect nothing from him at all. I don’t have any set of standards that I hold him to, and yet, he just continues to topple them down every day. Today, he has done so by inviting anyone who has time to come watch all of the movies he’s ever been in with him. He’s just been sitting in a theater since November 10th, playing all of his movies consecutively in reverse chronological order, and he’s gonna keep doing it until the 13th. AND he’s live streaming the whole thing.

Art (?)

Art (?)

Here’s a screenshot of it! As I’m sure you noticed, it’s kind of dark and hard to see. That’s because the camera isn’t even pointed at the movie screen. No, dear readers, the camera is trained on Shia the entire time. So when you go to watch the lifestream, you’re really just watching him watch his movies.

Just him.

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Chillin’.

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Showing no emotion the entire time.

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I’m not sure what to make of this.

Is Shia one of those fortunate beings who began life with all of the rules already nestled deep within their minds? Or is he, like me, just sort of free-styling as he goes along? Maybe a little bit of both? I cannot say for sure. BUT: he does look pretty confident doing it, and that has to count for something.

PS: Who wants to fly out with me to go watch Shia’s movies with him? (Looking’ at you, Ms.Boll!)

***UPDATE: November, 29***

Turns out I was wrong about Shia staring blankly at the screen for the whole event. Here he is during The Even Stevens Movie (which, sadly, me and Ms.Boll were not able to attend).

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Look at that smile!

Kiana.

Holding On Tight

My Aunt Was Pretty Fly

My Aunt Was Pretty Fly

On March 24, 2015, my aunt, Davidetta Nohn Mentor, passed away. I had planned to write a blog post about it the week that it happened, some kind of touching sendoff that would eloquently tie all of the emotions I was feeling up in a little bow. But when I sat down to begin writing, I found that for the first time in my entire life, I was really, truly at a loss for words.

It wasn’t because I didn’t have anything to write about. There is no shortage of amusing anecdotes I could tell about my aunt, no end to all the memories we shared together. In fact, my aunt is even a part of my earliest memory, eyes twinkling, head thrown back in laughter.

But still, I couldn’t write. For the same reason that I can’t talk about it: I’m not ready.

I’m not ready to admit to myself that it’s all over; that we’ll never have the opportunity to create another memory together. It doesn’t feel real. Whenever something good happens in my life, or I do something I’m proud of, I still pick up the phone, ready to call her and tell her all about it before I remember: I can’t. I will never do that again. All I can do is hold the memories I have of my aunt close to me, and try to make sense of the future.

It’s a terrible feeling; one I’ve read about many times in many different novels and seen happen to other people, but didn’t quite understand until it happened to me. I don’t know how to properly convey that feeling in writing, and I don’t know if I ever will.

So for now, I won’t. But if the day ever comes when all of my memories of my aunt do not run together, when I can coherently speak about the effect she had on my life, I will.

Until then, I think everything can be summarized as such: Davidetta Nohn Mentor will be deeply missed.

Kiana

One of those Lives

Me, basically. (source)

Me, basically. (source)

Here is a list of things I did wrong today:

  • Instead of studying for the huge chemistry test that is lurking in my horizon, I stayed up into the wee hours of the night watching T.V. At first, I told myself that it would only take a few minutes out of my study time to watch a couple episodes and then I’d get back to work. But as the hours went by, I fell deeper and deeper into the Netflix vortex. I kept trying to convince myself that I would stop, that eventually, maturity and common sense would take over and compel me to study, but it was not meant to be. Eventually, I just gave up the act and dived head-first into Gilmore Girls season four.
  • Because I went to bed so late, I overslept and missed my psychology class. I also have a psychology test waiting for me around the corner, so this was a great time for my laziness to take over!
  • Because I was in such a rush to get to school in time, I forgot my English homework on my desk. When I got to class, I frantically flipped through my folder looking for it, but it was nowhere to be found. Because our whole class period was going to be dedicated to going over the assignment, I decided to quietly slink out of the classroom rather than announce to everyone the mistake I had made. And by “quietly slink” I mean “awkwardly stumble over several chairs and a trashcan on my way out the door”.
  • Then I went to Chemistry. That actually wasn’t that bad.

This is usually the point where I’d say that I’m having ‘One of those Days”. At this point, however, I think it would be more appropriate to describe it as “One of those lives”. I’ve always been the kind of person who starts out extremely enthusiastic about something, only to watch all of my determination fade away like the morning dew. I want to care more about all of my responsibilities, I want to be more dedicated to my goals, but it’s all so hard sometimes (and yes, I am aware of how whiny that sounds).

I used to think that there was some magical formula to getting it all together, that if you followed a few surefire steps, all of the puzzle pieces in your life would just fall into place. The older I get, the better I understand: There is no secret to getting it all right. You just have to do the work. There is no other option; if you want to succeed in the real world and accomplish all of your goals, you just have to sit down and get to it. That’s what being an adult is all about.

Of course, that is easier said than done. And if my Netflix queue is any indication, I won’t be accomplishing it today. But I think that’s okay: I may have dropped the ball today, but tomorrow I’ll work towards accomplishing all of my goals!

Probably! Maybe! Most likely not! I’ll…get to it eventually.

We’re more than half way through February. I turn twenty in May. Before I reach that age, I’d like my life to at least have some semblance of respectability.

I’ve got a lot of work ahead of me.

Kiana.

Brave

I am currently going to school to become a nurse. I’m not officially in the program yet, but this is my last semester of generals. After that, I’ll be battling over 600 other people for a seat. They only accept 72 people every semester, which is definitely more than a little stressful, but I’m trying not to think about that too much. I can only control myself; everything else is out of my hands. As long as I know that I did everything in my power to do well, I won’t let myself get discouraged, even if I don’t get into the program right away.

It’s weird, though: when I first decided to become a nurse, it didn’t feel completely real. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do, the school needed an answer, so I just picked nursing. I’d thought about it as a possibility before, but in that moment, it was really more of a means to an end than an actual decision.

But the closer I get to applying for the program, the more confident I feel. Videos like this reaffirm my decision to go into the healthcare field. True, it will definitely not be a easy road to get there, and once I am actually accepted into the program I will have to start working harder than ever, but I’m determined to succeed. Being a nurse is about caring for others; it’s about taking someone at one of the most difficult points in their life and doing everything in your power to make sure they get overcome it. Being a nurse is about love.

I can’t wait to be a part of that.

Kiana.

A Valentine’s Day PSA

Film Title: BRIDGET JONES : THE EDGE OF REASON.

Bridget Jones: Prime example that it pays to step your game up. (source)

Editor’s Note: I originally wanted to put this up on Valentine’s Day, but I decided to hold in the cynicism until the day after. Here are a few thoughts I have about dating today:

There are few things that upset me more than a young person, especially a young woman, bending over backwards, trying to make a bad relationship work. Every time I spy a young couple arguing in the corridors of my school or one of my friends plops down next to me to tell me about what their boyfriend has done this time, I feel my soul begin to scream; it starts (as it always does) as a low moan within my heart. Soon enough, though, it crescendos into a bellowing roar, filling my entire being.

“Oh, my God,” I respond on cue, “He is being such a jerk.” I say all the right words, but unbeknownst to them, I have disconnected from the conversation. I know that this sounds selfish, but I just can’t help it. It makes me physically sick to hear tales about all the new and exciting way that my friends are being taken advantage of. It makes me wanna roll up on their house at night TO FIGHT leave a firmly worded letter under their door because I am not athletic and even if I was, there’s really never a good reason to kick your friend’s significant other in the neck.

True, both men and women can find themselves trapped inside an unhealthy relationship, but I think that you’ll all agree that when it comes to all the manipulative and cruel turns a relationship can take, women often find themselves with the worse end of the stick. At least, that has been the case in my experience. And no, I’m not suggesting that we turn the tables and start mentally and physically abusing/ruining men’s lives, but I am proposing that women start stepping their game up.

Look: Women have a buyer’s market when it comes to dating. That’s how it’s been for a long time, and that it will probably be for the foreseeable future. There is no reason to saddle yourself to someone who is mean and makes you feel small, just because you feel like you won’t find anything better. Trust me: YOU WILL. No matter who you are, or what you look like, there is someone out there who is feelin’ it. There is someone out there who would gladly sweep you off your feet and be the kind of person you deserve.

To quote a Tumblr post I saw the other day: Boys are abundant and low in value (Well, the post’s language was a bit more NSFW. But you get the idea). Never let the fear of either being alone or losing an awful boyfriend hold you back from getting what you deserve.

Kiana.

Get Into It!

Look, I’m gonna be totally honest with you: I had a whole awesome intro written up about how I wanna start doing a monthly favorites thing on my blog because it seemed like the hip-thing-to-do, but because I am a fool, I didn’t realize that my laptop’s battery was dwindling until it died while I was mid paragraph.

Now, that original intro paragraph was amazingly well crafted: It was full of jokes and astute observations about life. But it’s gone now; it vanished into the ether, along with several of my research papers, never to be seen again. True, I could try to go back and time and remember what I originally wrote, but I feel it’s best that we leave the past in the past. Yes, I loved that original intro paragraph. But sometimes, the things you love aren’t meant to be with you, y’know? Sometimes, they yearn for greener pastures, for bluer skies, and who are you to hold them back from that?

…Other times, you spend your whole night watching obscure clips from old Disney shows and now don’t have the strength or soundness of mind to remember anything you wrote. Either way, it’s best to move on.

Here was the gist of it: I’m a cool person, I like cool stuff, now I want to share said cool stuff with you.

Here we go:

1. Broad City

I first came upon Broad City by accident. Unlike most accidents in my life, however, this one didn’t cause me countless years of unspeakable anguish– nay, this mistake lit up my life and changed my world for the better. This mistake took me gently by the hand and led me into the promised land.

This mistake provided me with this amazing clip:

Broad City is an awesome show on Comedy Central written and created by Abbi Jaccobson and Ilana Glazer. The two of them have been friends and comedy partners forever; many of their adventures on the show are based off of things that have happened to them over the years. It’s hilarious, the music is great, and even though the stories sometimes stretch into absurdity, they always have a realistic vibe to them. Broad City is definitely one of my favorite shows of all time. so-alive-broad-city

New episodes air every Wednesday on Comedy Central, but if you can’t wait until then, check out their youtube channel. Before Broad City was on TV, it was an equally hilarious web-show. Get into it!

2. Aquaphor

A few months ago, my friend Rahama accused me of being a Beyonce stan.

“NO, I’M NOT,” I said, a little too loudly, “I JUST HAVE A GENERAL APPRECIATION FOR FOR ALL OF THE IMPORTANT CONTRIBUTIONS SHE’S MADE TO MUSIC HISTORY.”

But I was lying. 

Here is how I really feel about Beyonce: I don’t think that she’s a real person; I think that she is a growing orb of light, the power of which has somehow been harnessed and channeled into creating a human like form. I think that everything she touches turns into gold and that when she takes even a single breath, a puppy is born.

In short, my appreciation for Beyonce rivals even my love for Oprah. And that is saying something.

That’s why when Beyonce mentioned offhandedly that she uses Aquaphor to moisturize her skin, I was blown away. Oh my God, I thought to myself, I use the same lotion as Beyonce! *Cue several fantasies about accidentally bumping into Beyonce in the lotion aisle at Target. We’d exchange knowing smiles as we both gracefully tossed a jar of the cream into our carts, forever bonded by the knowledge that we are the only two people in the store- nay, the world- who truly know what’s up*

"USE AQUAPHOR AND YOU'LL LOOK LIKE THIS"- that's not what their slogan is, but it should be. (source)

“USE AQUAPHOR AND YOU’LL LOOK LIKE THIS”- that’s not what their slogan is, but it should be. (source)

Of course, I don’t buy it just because Beyonce uses it. Aquaphor is regarded by many medical professionals to be one of the best creams on the market. Several people have used Aquaphor and found relief from all kind of skins ailments, including excema. Tattoo artists often apply it to skin after finishing up because of it’s healing properties. I’ve used it myself throughout several years of cuts and burns, and it has always come through for me. Also, it’ll even out your skin tone after a few weeks of use, if that’s something you’re interested in!

Basically, Beyonce (and several licensed professionals) think Aquaphor is amazing. I do, too, but my opinion is far less important. So if you love yourself and you love your skin, get in on that!  

Welp, that’s it: Two cool things that will make your life at least ten times better.

Stay trill,

Kiana.

One Lovely Blog Award!

Good morning friends and family of said friends! Gather round, for I have a very important message to share with you: This blog has a Facebook page. I’ve never mentioned it directly before because I didn’t want to fall into the bottomless pit that is shameless self promotion, but then I realized: writing a blog is the ultimate form of shameless self promotion. So if you have a Facebook account and you like reading this blog, why not take a lil’ journey over the page and give it a like? Do it! Or don’t. Or do.

*Phew* Feels good to get that off my chest! Now, onto the regularly scheduled blog post.

Many moons ago, Hiba, my Dazzled buddy and all round A-plus indivdual, nominated me for the One Lovely Blog award.

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Of course, being the unreliable person that I am, it took me several months to actually sit down and start writing. And make no mistake: I didn’t spend those months thinking up clever and innovative ways to make this blog post special. You’ve got some supremely mediocre content heading your way.

Here are the rules for the award:

1. You must thank the person who nominated you and include a link to their blog.

2. You must list the rules and display the award.

3. You must add 7 facts about yourself.

4. You must nominate other bloggers and comment on one of their posts to let them know they have been nominated.

5. You must display the award logo and follow the blogger who nominated you.

So without further ado, here are seven facts about me:

1. I used to be super into Neopets. Every day after school, I would race home and hop onto the computer, one question at the forefront of my mind: How are my Neopets doing? The answer was usually not great: Since I really only cared about playing the games and winning rare items, my Neopets were often neglected. I sometimes went weeks without giving them anything to eat. To this day, my Neopets are starving quietly in some forgotten corner of the internet. I would log into my account to feed them, but all memory of my log in information has faded away into the ether, along with most of my other fourth grade memories. This may sound cruel, but the experience taught me a valuable lesson: I should never own a pet.

2. I cannot sew to save my life. When I was in sixth grade, I took a class that dedicated a whole three months to teaching me and my classmates this valuable gift. While my peers left with a new skill tucked securely under their belts, all I had to show for my efforts was a lumpy, misshapen pillow. My mother often points out that I should have been able to retain at least some of the information from the class. What she doesn’t understand is that after each school year, my brain clears out everything I’ve learned to make room for the names of new Pokemon.

3. I am an introvert. Many people mistake my loud (and frequent) outbursts for extroversion, but the truth is actually far more complicated: I am often uncomfortable in social situations, but my need to be liked overpowers any awkwardness I might be feeling. Coping with this problem has been difficult, but I am getting stronger every day. Like Jesus, dragging his torture stake along the- you know what? I’m not even going to finish that thought.

4. I am a terrible cook. I’ve always wanted to be one of those people who are a wiz in the kitchen, but every food I touch inevitably turns to ash. Literally. There is almost always fire involved. But: I am excellent at boiling things, if I do say so myself!

5. MEG CABOT FOLLOWED ME ON TWITTER (and then promptly unfollowed me). A few months ago, Meg Cabot, author and living legend, saw something special in me. She clicked the “follow” button and leaned back contentedly into her chair, presumably happy with her decision. A couple days later, however, something scared her away. Maybe it was my near constant tweeting about my various urine-related incidents. Maybe it wasn’t. We will never know for sure.

6. I don’t understand snapchat. I downloaded Snapchat a few years ago, and since then, my use of the app has been spotty at best. Every time I think I finally get what Snapchat is all about, I realize that I haven’t even begun to understand the basics. Also, nothing in my life is worthy of being photographed. I think that my inability to understand Snapchat (and many other social-media apps) is a sign that my transformation into a crotchety old man is finally complete. I’m just going to have to make peace with this.

7. I’ve never been on a boat. Unless you count a brief tour around Lake Superior in which the tour guide kept making puns about how the lake is “superior” to all other bodies of water. Which I do not. I’m totally fine with this, though. Ever since I watched Titanic, I’ve had an irrational fear that any boat I step on will sink as soon as I get on deck.

There you have it: Seven facts about me that you did not care to know!

I would like to take this time to thank Hiba for giving me this award. In case you didn’t know, Hiba also has a blog, and it is magnificent. If you’re not reading it, you’re not living.

Here are the blogs that I’m nominating for the award next:

1. HeyPoofy

2. Might As Wale

3. Band Geek Bella

4. Dear Abbey

5. I Have A Messy Bun

6. Another Wild Child 

Welp, that’s all folks!

Kiana.