How to Deal With Stress!

(Source) Just let the stress go! ahahaha get it????? Because...um...It's funny because Frozen.

(Source) Just let the stress go! ahahaha get it????? Because…um…It’s funny because Frozen.

1.) Time management is key. Set a specific time aside to deal with your obligations.

2.) Take a time out. Remove yourself from the thing causing you anxiety for a little bit. Taking a short break will help you gain perspective and allow you to re-enter the situation with a new eyes.

3.) Take deep breaths. Try and relax. No matter how stressful things get, try and remind yourself that It’s not the end of the world!

4.) Offer yourself as a sacrifice to the Earth Mother, Gaia. Let her pull you under the soil, deeper, ever deeper, until the surface world is a distant memory. Sigh faintly as you sink into her molten folds.

5.) Set fire to something beautiful. As it burns, remember that you are a golden orb of light, a shining supernova of beauty that will never fade away.

6.) Become ravenously addicted to cocaine. Feel the dopamine flood your system. Smile softly as your stress melts away.

7.) Fake your own death. Leave all of your anxiety behind and adopt a new identity. Your name isn’t Kristen anymore, Nay! Now you are Tracy Roads, ace reporter, and your stress is a thing of the past.

8.) Learn what triggers your anxiety. Then, make a blood pact with a demon to ensure that those things stay out of your life.

9.) Peel off all of your clothing until you are completely nude. Turn off all the lights and get in the shower. Turn the water up to its hottest temperature. Let the water beat down upon your bare back until your flesh begins to prune, until your very soul dissolves with the steam. 

10.) Peel off all of your clothing until you are completely nude. Wrap yourself up in several blankets. Burrow yourself within your woolen fortress and pretend you are a fetus, tucked snugly inside your mother’s womb. The stress cannot reach you here.

11.) Peel off all of your clothing until you are completely nude. Go to a crowded beach and run into the ocean. A life guard will dive in after you and drag you out to safety. As he perfumes CPR on you, you will feel a wave of relief and a newfound zest for life wash over you. Or, no one will see you and you’ll drown. But, Hey! You’ve got nothing to lose!

Good luck!

Kiana

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