Before we move forward, dear reader, please cast your eyes upon this image:
This is a picture of Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson during the nineties. The mom jeans! The baby fro! The Fanny Pack! Has a more perfect picture ever existed? Doubtful. I hope that it brings you as much joy as it has brought me.
And now we begin:
Change is the law of the land.
It is the one ruler that governs all of us, regardless of our nationality or any man-made borders. No matter how hard we fight, we must eventually give in to its mighty strength. Like the current of a river, if we find ourselves in change’s path, we have no choice but to surrender and let it carry us where it may, lest we be swept into its murky depths.
…Or something like that. It doesn’t really matter. All I’m trying to say is that I have changed the title of my blog from “The Theory of Everything” to the decidedly less charming “That’s What Ki Said”.
A month ago, I would have spent a whole blog post creating excuses as to why this change was necessary; I would have approached you meekly, trying, and failing, to make such a downgrade seem elegant.
But now, the anniversary of my blog has come and gone, and I have had a revelation: I don’t owe anybody anything.
Let me explain: These last couple of months, I’ve been unable to write anything new. That definitely wasn’t for lack of trying: time and time again, I sat down in front of my computer and racked my mind, searching for something, anything, but my brain felt completely empty. All of the drive I once felt to write or create anything even remotely interesting or entertaining was gone. For the longest time, I couldn’t figure out what was wrong. Then, I looked through some of my old blog posts, and it was immediately clear: I’ve lost sight of what this blog once meant to me.
I started this blog for a number of reasons. Some of those reasons were for others- like wanting to write things that make people think/feel happy- but most of those reasons were for me. I originally set out to create a space for myself where I could talk about the world as I saw it; where I could get better at writing and also improve myself as I went along, until I either achieved self-actualization or until my writing somehow gave me the opportunity to meet Oprah. Whichever came first.
Two years ago, I wrote about whatever crossed my mind, whether it was the horrible goings-on at my first job or a particularly uncomfortable walk in the park with my father. While those original posts were typo-ridden and mediocre at best, I was just happy that I was writing and there were people who cared enough to read along! Now, I feel like I’m always competing- both with myself and with others- to be the best/most interesting/witty person on the internet. As a result, nothing I ever do feels good enough anymore. Everything I write seems stupid and insignificant, and then I end up deleting the draft and calling it quits.
So when I say that I don’t owe you anything, I don’t mean it in an offensive way. I just mean that I’m done holding myself up to impossible standards: Yes, I want to create good content that others enjoy reading, but I also want to write for myself. I don’t want my desire to please others to stop me from writing anything. I want to write the way I did back when this blog was called “Just Let Me Catch Up”, taking into consideration the fact that others would see what I wrote, but also remaining true to myself.
I’m not sure exactly what that means to me, but as of June, I have officially been blogging for two years (yay!) and I want to spend the rest of this year figuring it out. In the meantime, this blog will be called “That’s What Ki Said” for no particular reason other than it just felt right. 🙂