Butt Chugging and YOU!

Me and my college have a love-hate relationship.

I love the:

  • Small class sizes.
  • Small Campus.
  • Short Commute.
  • Many study resources.

I hate the:

  • Ever growing butt chugging epidemic.

Yes, you read that correctly: butt chugging. I found out that several students at my college have suffered alcohol poisoning as a result of using an alcohol enema or, in layman’s terms, stuffing a funnel up your butt and then pouring alcohol directly inside yourself.

When a girl at my school laughingly told me that she knew a couple of people who had almost died from this, I smiled along. Internally, however, I was repressing an intense urge to throw myself out of a window and finally escape this wretched place once and for all. As far as I’m concerned, any place where butt chugging is allowed to thrive is not a place I want to be.


A student’s best friend (source)


I know that there are certain benefits that one gains from butt chugging, (You get drunker way quicker because the alcohol bypasses the intestines) but the bad (the fact that you stuck a funnel up your butt to ingest alcohol) far outweighs the good.

What if one of those people had actually died from butt chugging? Imagine what their funerals would be like. Sure, all of their family members would come and celebrate their lives, but in the back of their minds they’d be thinking, “I can’t believe I’m related to someone who died from butt chugging”. Then, the relatives would repress the fact that they’d ever known them and get out of that church ASAP.

As horrified as I am about this whole situation, I’ve managed to find a silver lining: A new game! When I’m sitting by myself, watching the other students converse like regular human beings, I like to try and guess which one of them is a butt chugger. I’m not sure if this says more about me than it does my classmates, but I’ve decided that almost all of them have a very distinct butt chugging vibe going on.

Try it at your school! …Unless your college is decent enough to not have this problem.


PS. Also, this video!


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