There are so many crazy people in the world. Don’t be one of them. Look for these signs in yourself and have yourself institutionalized ASAP before things get out of control.
6. Spelling and Grammar does not exist for you
You just sort of leave out words when you’re writing (or talking) and think nothing of it. It’s gotten to the point that hashtags have begun to seem like a perfectly acceptable form of communicaton in your everyday life, even though outside of twitter, a hashtag isn’t even a thing. It’s just a number sign. And when will you ever learn to master the elusive semi-colon??? #Never
5. You spend all your time thinking about random situations that could never, ever happen in real life
Seriously. You’ll be sitting in French, taking a test, when your eyes just sort of glaze over and you sit there for thirty minutes imagining what the world would be like if you found the cure for cancer. Just think of all the Joy! Think of all the lives that could be saved! The tears, the laughter….aaaaaaand, looks like there’s only five minutes left to finish your test. #great
4. You constantly repeat actions that have brought you pain in the past
You’re still sitting in French class, and as you feverishly attempt to finish your test, (Tu ne parles pas Francais! TU NE PARLES PAS FRANCAIS.) your pencil tumbles down from your grip and rolls just far enough away that you cannot reach it. Whatever will you do?! It appears the only logical solution is to get out of your desk and go pick it up.
You laugh in the face of reason! You turn your nose up at logic! Instead, you’ll just lean over in your desk, tipping it in the direction of your pencil. You’ve almost got it…you just have to lean a little farther. You tilt your desk closer to the floor, the pencil now a mere inch away from your straining fingers. In a quiet, dimly-lit, section of your mind, a memory plays: Just a few months ago, in this very classroom, you’d attempted the same thing, only to have your desk flip sideways, throwing you to the ground. But, Ah! That was last year! You’re so much wiser now aaaaaaand yep, your desk just flipped over. Cue the laughter in three…two…one…
3. You loose all sense of self control
Look, I know you like shiny things and spending money, but this is no way to live your life! You made seventy dollars this weekend, and now it’s all gone! And what do you have to show for it? A couple a’ fake beards and a cupcake body suit. YOU are that person everybody is talking about when they say they hate teenagers. YOU are the physical embodiment of everything that is wrong with our generation.
Somewhere in Chicago, Oprah is crying silent tears.
2. Your brain just throws memories away and creates new ones on the daily
Just your average conversation:
You: OMG, do you remember when Maggie fell off the bleachers and broke both her femurs? HAHAHAHAHA what a klutz, amiright???
Normal, Non-Mentally-Disturbed Friend: …That didn’t happen..she just kind of stumbled a bit. And if it had happened, it wouldn’t be funny. You’re kind of terrible.
How is it possible that your mind totally recreated what happened? I sure don’t know, but I find it upsetting that your brain chooses such violent images over reality. We might have to rush you to the mental ward sooner than I thought! Looks like we’ve got another Ted Bundy on our hands… #BackAwayFromTheChainsaw
1. You accidentally slip One Direction into every conversation ever
What’s that you say? You don’t even like One Direction that much? Oh, so you just have all their songs and a cardboard cutout of Niall for no reason? Don’t make excuses for yourself!
…What was that? You’ve never had this problem before? Oh, gosh, guys, you caught me! This is defs a “me” problem. Come to think of it, all of these are “me” problems. Oh well! I guess (rips off sunglasses) THAT’S WHAT MAKES ME BEAUTIFUL. #NoRegrets