My Life Sucks (Episode Three): The Workforce

I hate my job. So, so much.

Like, the thought of going to work everyday makes me want to stab my eyes out and jump into the sun, and that’s not even slightly an exaggeration. And all it took for me to reach this stage of hatred is one month. I really feel for people who have been working crappy jobs for years.

It wasn’t always like this, though. When I first started out, I loved my job. I liked the people I worked with, I liked the sense of pride that came with having a job for the first time  and, above all, I liked the money. Lately, though, I’m not even able to enjoy that: the money I receive from working is tainted and stinks of regret.

So much regret. 

That is why this weeks episode of MLS is dedicated to overcoming the horrors of the workplace and (barely) making it back alive each day.

I proudly present to you: MY LIFE SUCKS: THE WORKFORCE.

I work at a fast food restaurant. As a result, i have to deal with things that no human should ever encounter. For instance, yesterday, somebody threw a sandwich at me.

Seriously. A sandwich. AT MY FACE.

I WAS SO MAD. You don’t even know. I seriously almost punched her.

Let’s go back to the beginning:

One of my workmates was starting college yesterday, but she had to work. She begged everybody to take her place so she could go and receive the gift of knowledge, but nobody was willing to step in on their day off. Finally, she came to me. I’m still relativity new to my job, so I was a bit hesitant: She wanted me to work for her from 4-8 or, in layman’s terms, right in the middle of the dinner rush.  Plus, I’d never before worked a shift longer than two hours. These two things combined with my general lack of experience led me to become more than a little worried that this wouldn’t go very well.

But I did it anyway. Because that’s just how I am.

Everything started out okay. I completed my usual tasks (Cleaning, taking orders, preparing food) and the customers were happy. It went on like that until a little after five. That was when an elderly man came in holding a sheet of coupons that I’d never seen in my life.

You see, the restaurant I work at sends out coupons through the mail. When a new set of coupons go out, somebody alerts the managers, and they add the new deals into the cash register.

Or at least, that’s what’s supposed to happen.

Nobody had told the managers that there were new coupons out, so they hadn’t added them into the register yet. As a result, when I tried to use the elderly man’s coupon, it wouldn’t work. Because I didn’t know about the new coupons either, I thought that it was all my fault. I started to get super nervous: no matter how hard I looked, I couldn’t find the right deal. So i just chose the deal closest to what the man wanted and lied my way through it. Not the most professional thing to do, maybe, but whatever. LET ME LIVE MY LIFE.

At exactly that moment, the dinner rush hit.

A mass of people arrived, all of them waving the same coupons around. I could have died, it was that horrible.

But I persevered.

Just when I thought everything was calming down, a lone woman stepped up to the counter. She was short and stout with a curly shock of red hair that stood tall, seeming to oppose gravity. Though it was well above eighty degrees outside, she wore a thick wool sweater with a picture of Micky Mouse stitched onto it. Her most dominant quality, however, were her eyes: they were full of pure evil and a general annoyance of the world.

“She looks like fun.” I thought sarcastically to myself as she approached. With every step she took towards me, she grew more and more agitated. Needless to say, I became very apprehensive about serving her.  And with good reason, because she proceeded to order EVERYTHING FROM THE COUPON LIST. That’s like fifteen different things! And not only did she want everything on the sheet, but she wanted something special about each order. Like, if she ordered the french dip and swiss, she’d want cheddar cheese instead of swiss (Which, really, is so dumb by itself. If you don’t like swiss cheese, DON’T ORDER THE FRENCH DIP AND SWISS. It has swiss cheese on it! THAT’S WHAT IT IS. But I digress.). I didn’t know what to do, and I guess that showed on my face because she rolled her eyes and said haughtily “If you can’t handle my order, perhaps you could get a more capable employee to help me.” A sharp jolt of annoyance went through me, but I ignored it. Finally, FINALLY, after struggling with her order for a little over 5 minutes, my manager came to help me. After her order was all set, I proceeded to hand her her change, carefully sitting fifty cents on top of a dollar bill. She glared angrily at my hand and yanked the dollar bill away, causing the change to fall on the counter. “That’s why you put the change on the bottom.” she snarled at me as she left with her food.

BITCH, PLEASE. I don’t know where she’s shopping, but I’m pretty sure there’s no set way of giving people back their change. And WHY DOES SHE EVEN CARE??? It’s not that big of a deal. Whatever.

I thought that was the last of her, but she returned about thirty minutes later saying there was something wrong with her order. She screamed wildly and flailed her arms around in rage while I cowered in fear and promised her a new sandwich, apologizing profusely. I guess that wasn’t good enough because she reached into her bag and pulled out the sandwich that had caused all of this trouble.

“I AM A BUSY WOMAN!” she shrieked, practically foaming at the mouth. “Busy doing what?”,I wanted to ask, “Taking care of all your cats and wondering where your life went wrong?” I didn’t say anything out loud, but I wish I had because at that exact moment, she wound the hand holding the sandwich back like a pitcher and threw it square in my face.

RAGE.

So yeah. That happened. And while it was an experience that filled me with anger and sadness, I managed to take away one shining lesson:

  • Working Sucks. Don’t get a job. Just live with your parents forever. And while you’re at it, use your mom’s credit card to buy every season of Pokemon ever. 

Yeah..ususally, I try to leave you with some sound advice about my experiences, but right now, in my current state of anger, I can’t think of anything positive. I’ll probably edit this post later when I’m able to grow more as a person.

But for now, I think I’m just gonna rant.

Yep,

Kiana.

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