Okay, so every now and then, My father and I go for walks together. Mostly, they are lovely occasions of Father-Daughter bonding, but every now and then something ridiculous/horrible/life-shattering happens.
Today was one of those days.
Fist of all, I think it’s important to note that when we started walking it was 97 degrees outside. But my dad still insisted on going.
Obviously, this was foreshadowing for what our trip was going to be like.
So we start walking, right, and then my father declares that he has to go to the bathroom, and sprints off into a nearby porta-potty without another word. So I just stood there in the sweltering heat until from a distance, I heard a man call out:
“EXCUSE ME! ARE YOU AFRICAN??”
Needless to say, I was taken aback. I am African (Liberian, to be exact) but I don’t really look very African, so not a lot of people notice. But now, all of a sudden, here was this morbidly obese Asian man inquiring about my origins.
“Yes…” I said, hesitantly, taking a step back for every step he took towards me, until I was against a wall. He literally had me trapped in a corner. Because of all the Law and Order: SVU I watch, I think that every man above 18 who attempts to speak to me is a rapist who dabbles in murder, and this man was no exception. As he drew closer and closer to me, I thought of all the ways Detective Benson would handle this situation, but then, he did something even she wouldn’t have been prepared for:
He stopped in front of me, breathing extremely heavily, and asked: “WOULD YOU LIKE SOME COFFEE?”
I stared blankly at him. “Huh??”
“Coffe.” he said between shallow breaths “Do you want some?”
“Um…” was all I could get out. It was then that the man launched into a complex tale about his coffee buisness and how if you take a pack from him, he’ll pay you to recommend it to other people and give you a mercedes.
I was skeptical.
At that exact moment, my father came striding back towards us. I was certain that he would shoo the man away, but instead, he became enchanted with the little man’s business venture. He listened intently to his tale, nodding seriously and annoying me greatly.I mean, It was super hot outside, and we were just standing there talking with this guy who kept making empty promises.
Anyway, that was when my Father decided that he wanted a drink of water. He turned away from us, calling over his shoulder “Keep talking to the nice man, Kiana.” At this point, I was so dehydrated and tired that I could no longer control myself: I burst into laughter. This did not deter the Asian man, however. He powered through his presentation, throwing me packs of coffee every few seconds.
My father returned and we continued on our walk with the Asian man following close behind. After we had gone around the whole course, we stopped for a break. There was an outdoor concert happening a few feet away, and I informed my dad that I wanted to go listen to it. He allowed it, and went on a second trip around the park by himself. I walked over to the concert. It wasn’t long before I heard some familliar labored puffs of breath behind me.
THE ASIAN MAN HAD FOLLOWED ME. Like, what did he want?? I took his coffee! I had nothing left to give him, and vice versa. But still, he tagged along, like a morbidly obese puppy.
I sat down on one of the benches, and he sat down RIGHT NEXT TO ME. There was a sign that said “NO TALKING!” in serious looking print in front of us, but he continued to whisper sweet nothings about his wonderful coffee into my ear. I was extremely uncomfortable. I don’t even like making eye contact with people when it’s not necessary! This random man whispering into my ear was just to much.
I got up, and walked back to the car.
“Okay!! Nice talk!” he screamed at my back, causing several angry elderly people to Shh him.
Shortly after, my father returned from his walk, holding literally a crate of coffee.
That was my day.
PS. Does anyone want a few packs of coffee? I’ll toats give you a Mercedes if you take some.