Ya’ll ready to get really personal? If not..Shh.
Do you remember that part in Harry Potter when Harry and the gang go into that old witch’s house, except she turns out to be Nagini? That is how I feel every time someone I thought was a lovely breath of fresh air turns out to be a stupid person.
Oh, how I despise stupid people. And I’m sure you do, too. Which is why this weeks episode of MLS is dedicated to those disgusting human beings that fill our lives and make it a living hell.
I give you: My Life Sucks: Stupid People.
I don’t mean stupid in the conventional sense of the word; like, I don’t have a problem with people of less-than-average intelligence. In fact, those people rank very highly on my list of entertaining things in life.
I am referring to people who just don’t understand how life works: They just can’t seem to comprehend that it isn’t normal to treat people like a gross peice of gum on the bottom of your shoe and scrape them off.
Repeat after me: Friends are People..not gross pieces of gum. Or something like that.
Generally, I like to think of myself as a pretty friendly person: I treat others kindly and with respect, and I try to always make people feel welcome. As a result, I don’t really have a whole lot of experience with stupid people. My first real encounter with them came last school year.
Without going into to much detail, here’s what happened: I was in a group of friends. One of them started talking about me behind my back. They turned some of my other friends against me, and seceded from the union. Anger/sadness/awkwardness ensued. I had a dream in which I stabbed them with a trident. I announced it during a class discussion..a class discussion that the rebel friend was a part of. Not like a literal trident, though: a figurative trident of truth and light that upon making contact with their skin, would open their eyes to what bad people they were. Whatever. I still felt bad..but not really.
And here we are.
It sucked at first, having someone you cared about and thought cared about you act like there was never a friendship at all, but if I’d never had that experience, I’d never be who I am today: someone who is just a little bit less naive and a little bit more awesome. So here are some tips to help you combat stupid people’s suckiness/not suck so much yourself.
- Right now, at this very moment, there is a very good chance that you are making somebody’s life horrible. Maybe you’re not doing it on purpose, but their life is disgusting nonetheless. So just think a little bit more about your actions. Seriously. It’ll make everybody’s lives like a million times more awesome. Including yours.
- If there is someone making your life suck, (and you were once close) you must initiate a confrontation. Not like and angry battle scene with a thousand people watching, or anything. Just show up at their house and be like “Why, though?”. I mean, this person is talking about you behind your back, spreading all sorts of lies. But they don’t have the courage to say anything to your face (and may even still be pretending to like you. Eww).That isn’t okay. Talk to them about what you did wrong (if anything) and resolve any hurt feelings.
- More about that last point: if someone is talking about you behind your back, but still pretending to be friendly to you, DO NOT ACCEPT IT. Smack them down with the hand of God. They suck. You’re awesome. Make sure they know it by refusing their disgusting second-hand friendship.
- DO NOT REVERSE BULLY. Don’t allow their gross behavior change you into something you’re not. I really regret the whole trident thing..it was just really awkward and uncomfortable. And even though it wasn’t actually bullying, it was still unnecessary. Don’t say anything offensive to them.
- Live Your Life. They wanna be stupid people? Who cares! You’re breezy! And you’re gonna watch Phil of The Future and eat mac and cheese and throw a dance party and be amazing.
We’ll all have our far share of stupid people in our lives. But just remember these tips, and all will be well with you.
And, hey: if all else fails, you can always stab them with a trident.