I do so many socially unacceptable things, it’s ridiculous.
In fact, I used to have this theory that when somebody in your immediate area did something really, really awkward, you had to do something TWICE as uncomfortable to balance things out. Like algebra. Or something.
Needless to say, this led to situations in which everyone I had been talking to slowly shifting formation until I was on the outside of their friendship circle. But I accepted it. Much like Jesus accepted his fate, to die for all of our sins, I took the burden of alleviating everyone’s unspoken feelings of awkwardness. It was a difficult job, but somebody had to do it.
And then I discovered NICKI MINAJ. Everything Nicki does is so completely wrong, and yet, so completely right. And also just the right amount of socially awkward. I can’t help but think that Nicki’s entire career has been a front to combat some horrible, awkward atrocity she witnessed many years ago.
But probably not. Most likely not. Either way, I’ll still blast “Starships” when nobody’s home. #YOLO
I just read this over and realized I compared myself to Jesus. I don’t even know what to say about that.
I think this is a good place to stop..